How To become a Good Parent: Punish Your Kids in Ways that Work and Won't Damage Them

The thing about parenting is how it can become so all encompassing, especially if there are more than one child involved. There are so many emotions involved and so little prior experiences to draw on.
And for every emotion there are countless people who have their various opinions on how children ought to be raised. One of the more incendiary areas of child rearing involves how to get them to behave they way you want and you'd expect that most ideas have already been discussed. But as with everything else involving the human animal, this is not the case. Therefore, below are ten smart tips on how to punish your kids in ways they will respect that come from my own personal experiences.

1 - Make sure they know you mean it. When you speak to your child in a disciplinarian fashion, make sure they understand that you are not kidding around and expect obedience immediately. Expect nothing less and if you don't get it, take action.

2 - Don't let your moods control your efforts. One of the more difficult things in disciplining children is making sure you are taking action because of something they have done wrong versus something that has made you mad. It's very difficult for children to learn what is right and wrong if you behave the same ways in both circumstances.

3 - Be consistent. If you want your children to understand and respect your rules then you have to be consistent with not only the rules but the punishment that goes along with them. If you don't you run the risk of confusing your children and losing their respect, which will mean they are likely to counter your moves with their own which will result in a small war going on in your home.

4 - Listen. A good thing to get in the habit of doing early with your children is learning to listen to them, and to listen carefully. This is because there are times when children take certain actions based on reasoning, rather than as a means to circumvent your rules. It also helps to build trust in that your children will learn that even when they are wrong, they will have their day in court to try to convince you otherwise.

5 - Time out versus spanking. There are various arguments for and against spanking, as well as for less severe punishments such as having a child sit in the corner or having a time-out from taking part in certain activities. While each certainly has its advantages and disadvantages, the
idea behind both is that we want our children to learn to behave in certain ways, and use techniques we believe will work to help them get there. So, rather than focus on the particular technique used, the important thing to remember is that it needs to used in a way that will leave a definite impression on the child and thus will hopefully convince them that acting in certain ways will not be tolerated. To that end, it needs to be done in a serious and meaningful way, such that the experience is one the child will wish to avoid in the future and will learn that the way to have it that way is to avoid engaging in the illicit behavior.

6 - Incentives versus punishment. There are a lot of humanists as well as sociologists who seem to believe that the way to get animals of any species to conform to our wishes is to offer incentives to the extant that punishment is never needed. Then there are others who believe that people are such a unique animal that such primitive techniques are surely doomed to failure. The truth is, both of these arguments are actually moot when you consider that the average parent is in their own unique environment and will likely do what they learned growing up when it comes to raising their own children, and every parent uses both incentives and punishments to convince their children to behave as they want them too and children generally respond. The differences then come about as to the way each is applied and how seriously. The best approach will generally be one where each is used in a way that makes sense to the circumstance and is done with a serious and mature tone so that the child understands that it's supposed to be a learning situation.

7 - Withholding as a means of punishment. Other than signaling parental disapproval, there are really only two forms of punishment available to parents regarding children. One is to apply some form of physical action that will either inflict pain or cause discomfort. The other is to
withhold things that the child wants. The first method is pretty simple and direct and the child is likely to fully comprehend what is happening. The second is not always so clear. Revoking rights to something that is normally allowed can at times be construed as due to a variety of causes. Thus it is imperative that parents are clear about how they see the situation and why they are upset about it and then, why the child is to be punished. Also, when withholding is used as a form of punishment, parents need to be careful about using it as a means to show the child who is boss and who is subordinate. This is because when you use withholding, there is almost always a time frame involved that can seem quite random to the child and may depend on a variety of factors that are beyond his control. To make this form of punishment work, parents must follow rules too; namely, they need to specify at the time of sentencing just how long the revocation will last.

8 - Rewarding bad behavior. Parents need to keep it in their own heads that they are the ones that are supposed to be running the relationship between them and their offspring. This means not letting the child control things by screaming or crying until the parent can't stand it any longer and gives in to what the child wants. It also means not offering attention when the child misbehaves even if that attention is of the negative kind, because children will take the negative kind over none at all. In either event the outcome will be the child engaging in activities that they've learned will get them what they want. To overcome this situation, parents need to learn to stick to the punishment they dole out and to not give attention to an undeserving situation.

9 - Make sure the rules are clear. All of your efforts will come to naught if the rules and etiquette you are trying to impart to your children aren't clear. Just as with adults, the rules that they are expected to live under must be clear, concise and consistent to be fully understood and then adhered to.

10 - Bad behavior not bad kids. Finally, as with any disagreement between people, the first thing to keep in mind, always, is that you love this person and never ever want them to feel as if you don't like them because of something they've done, or that you won't if they indulge in something you don't like in the future. The other is that you always need to make the distinction between a thing a person does and a label as a personal characteristic. In short, make sure the child understands it's the behavior that you abhor, not them.

These ten smart tips on how to punish your kids are for anyone who is raising children and welcomes advice from others on topics regarding rearing children. If you are such a person, mom or dad, I hope you will take these tips as intended, as advice from one who has been there to one that is still in the throes. Good luck, and best wishes for you and your children.

How to Increase Your Social Intelligence

Having a social intelligence of 120 means that you are above average. Obtaining a score of 100 means that you are considered average. But what does one take to achieve a high score? Does it mean that you have to read and memorize cover to cover an encyclopedia (or dictionary for that
matter)? Do we need to take in gingko biloba twice a day? Do we need to be considered a gifted person in order to be called a "social genius"?

I believe that acquiring a 120 score for a social IQ test does not mean you have to bury your brows in the books to know all of the issues around you and what is going on in the world.

Here is some advice that can help enhance your social intelligence:

First and foremost, you need to be aware of current events; whether it concerns information on sports, weather, medical field, mathematical formulas or the simplest issue like, "What is the best stain remover for a wool jacket". Actually, having an above average social IQ is through understanding and acquiring well-balanced information of old, new and sophisticated issues as well as knowing how to become street smart.

What you should do is to read the newspaper every day in order to keep you updated. Whenever you watch television; make certain that you will be able to view recent and popular shows so that you can be well-informed. In daily conversations wherein one of your colleagues might discuss about a television program; at least you can relate and converse about simple details concerning the subject matter.

Second is to actively participate in one or two social networking sites. From this, you will become enhanced to cope with the latest trends. Eating gives the body nourishment, but if you read quality issues; healthy information feeds your brain. We are in a fast-paced era so time is
getting more precious than ever. Sparing time to see online music videos will help you get updated with what is receiving the greatest hits. Participate in organizations within your community. It's recommended that individuals should be surrounded by different sorts of people; you will surely learn from them. Be observant, speak less and hear more. Find time to watch classical movies to remind you of the old goodies.

Hang out with friends as much as you can for you to be well informed of what is the hottest happenings in town. Make your vacation leave fruitful and educational. Travel to different places and countries that you have never been to in order to understand their history, culture and delicacies.

Reference:

- Korgeski, G. P. (2008). The complete idiot's guide to enhancing your social IQ. New York,N.Y.: Alpha
Article Resource: Anna Olalia

A Risky Proposition: How to Take Smart Risks to Find Success

Most people dream of living a more successful life: they want a better job, a salary increase, more responsibility at work and the respect of their peers. Unfortunately, few people are willing to take the needed risks to make their
dreams a reality. Instead, they sit back and watch a select few climb the corporate ladder, while they wallow in self-pity and wonder why good things never happen to them.

The fact is that good things don't just happen to anyone. Good things happen to those who take risks, thus making their positive outcomes possible. For example, consider sports athletes. The truly great superstars of their game take risks every day. They risk injury during a game with daring plays. They risk getting yelled at by their coach when they make a split-second game decision. They risk complete failure and letting down their entire team when they follow their gut instinct and alter the play mid-game. Sometimes their risks pan out, and sometimes they don't. However, those who do take risks are the athletes who are household names.

The same is true in business. Every company has a handful of superstars or top achievers who rise among the ranks. And what usually separates these superstars from the masses of employees is the individual's ability to take a risk. Granted, risk taking isn't always easy, but it is doable if you follow some solid guidelines. Use the following risk-taking process to enable you to take smart risks and further your professional life.

1. Know what you want to achieve.
Before you take any kind of risk, you first have to know your ultimate goal. Do you want to be the company president within five years? Do you want a thirty percent salary increase at your next review? Do you want to be promoted to management and get the corner office? Whatever your big
dream is, state it clearly. Depending on your answer, you can work backwards to map out the steps you would need to take to get there. For example, maybe to get a promotion or a salary increase you need to take a risk by volunteering for new projects. List out all the steps and risks you can think of. Now you have a starting point of how you need to proceed to achieve the goal you've outlined.

2. Be aware of the different kinds of risks.

As you're likely aware, there are smart risks, and then there are stupid risks. A smart risk is calmly and professionally confronting your boss about an injustice that has transpired in the department. A stupid risk is vandalizing his car to make your point. To be successful, you have to take smart risks. That means that before you take the risk you have to do your research. You have to find out what that risk entails so you can make an intelligent decision of whether it's a good risk or a bad risk. A good risk has a high probability of success. If the odds are stacked against you, you probably won't succeed. Therefore, you have to make sure you have the facts. For example, if you're investing money you have to check out the investment: What's the success rate? What's the return potential? What's the timeline for the return? Once you know the facts you can make an informed decision.

In general, there are five kinds of risks to be aware of:

* Risks that are not yours to take. In other words, it is not up to you to do something or make a decision, so don't.


* Unnecessary risks. This is when you take risks without enough information or without thinking it through.


* Risks you can take. These include volunteering or getting more education. They usually deliver low failure and high success.


* Risks you can't afford to take. With such risks, the failure is high, and success is low.


* Risks you can afford to take. These may be costly but are very rewarding.


The key is to be prepared before you take a risk to make sure it's something worthwhile and not something that's going to set you back.

3. Don't let external conditions distract you.
Often, people let external conditions intimidate them and force them to back away from a risk. For example, perhaps you want to apply for a promotion at work. You mention something to a co-worker about your decision and learn that you'll have a lot of qualified competition for the job.
You do a little checking around and find out that these more-qualified people are indeed applying for the same promotion as you. Because of this information, you decide not to take the risk and not to go for the promotion. You let the competition intimidate you. While knowing what external conditions you're facing is important, you can't let this information be your sole decision criterion for whether or not to take the risk. Instead, analyze the external conditions and figure out what makes you different or more likely to succeed. Focus on those positive qualities you bring to the table. Chances are your unique positive attributes will make all the difference.

4. Plan for failure.

Minimize your chances of a negative outcome by always questioning assumptions and by asking yourself what you would do if things don't go your way, including unanticipated delays, increased expenses, and actions beyond your control. Successful people are never surprised when they take a risk because they have thought through the uncertainties. In their minds, they have been there before. Therefore, they can better respond. So assess and evaluate the worst possible outcome, and keep in mind that things often take longer than expected. In order not to become frustrated in the process, multiply your expected timeframe by three. Finally, make a list of action steps you must take to offset any negative factors you might face.

5. Stop being a spectator.

Getting ahead in business is not a spectator sport. So just because you know what risks you need to take doesn't mean you'll achieve success. You now have to get involved and get your hands dirty so you can get where you want to go. If you're scared, realize that the best way to minimize your fear of a risk is by taking action. Often, our fears are unfounded and have no basis in reality. And the more action you take, the smaller your fears become. So talk to your boss about that raise you want. Ask for more responsibility on the job. Take a prospective mentor out to lunch. As you move forward, be prepared for rejection. Whenever you ask for something, there are only two answers: yes or no. Just because someone says "no" to you doesn't mean you're not worthy or that you're not going to get where you want to go. That's just part of taking that risk. So take action and do whatever is necessary to make your goals a reality. Remember that a risk without action is merely a dream. Have the courage to take meaningful action steps today.

RISK: A Smart Four-Letter Word

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, our risks don't pan out. Realize that failure is part of the risk-taking process. If possible, have a "plan B" ready in case your risk does not go your way. Then, dissect your results so you can see what happened, learn from your mistakes, and move on.
When you move forward with knowledge, your next risk will usually turn out better.

No matter what you want in your professional life, you'll likely need to take a risk or two to get there. And while the thought of taking risks can be scary, remember that the results are what will set you apart from the crowd. So start planning your next risk right away. The more smart risks you take in your life today, the more positive results you'll achieve in your future.